Helping Children Thrive By Understanding Internal and External Influences On Behavior

Setting up your family for success in 2021

The calendar is freshly turned and we long for something fresh.

Hoping to move on.

Hoping for a new start.

But the reality is that there is no magic that happens at midnight of the new year. We are still in pandemic days. We still have to get supper on the table. Our kids still have meltdowns. We are going to have some good days and some bad days. But the bottom line is - our kids still need us to provide a nurturing environment so they can develop into thriving people. If 2020 taught us anything, it’s that we can’t control everything. But when it comes to our families and our child’s behavior, there are many things we can do to help.

We can take the opportunity of a new calendar year to reflect on the things that we CAN change. If we want to help our children and families thrive, we need to be willing to reflect on where we are and how we can do a better job going forward. Perhaps it means adjusting our attitudes along with our view of our child’s behavior.

There is no doubt that we are living in a difficult season of history. The stress and uncertainty is impacting our own feelings and behaviors, as well as our kids. Many are feeling hopeless. I propose that the best thing we can do for the children of today is to provide them with adequate emotional, social, physical and cognitive support so they can grow into the best versions of themselves. That is the hope of the future.

I wholeheartedly believe that if we rise to the occasion and support children to become confident, resilient, creative people who make the best of their circumstances we can truly make the world a better place.

How do we do that?

We do that by taking a hard look at the influences that impact our children’s:

• Nervous systems

• Sensory systems

• Physical bodies

• Behaviors

• and how they impact our children’s function.

  (This information applies to us as adults, as well.)

Put simply, we need to seek to understand what is going on inside the child, as well as understand the environment surrounding the child (relationships and physical aspects) to better know how we can help them grow and develop.

As parents, we do our best in the moment with the resources we have. This is a no judgement zone. Our children, too, operate to the best of their ability in the moment. This belief truly changed my parenting and my approach as an occupational therapist. For so long behavior has been seen as an outcome of our thoughts. Thankfully, scientific findings now show that behavior is much more than a response to a person’s thinking than it is a response to the state of their nervous system - a much more subconscious response.

The complex interplay of the nervous system and the sensory system, along with the lived experience result in a person’s adaptive response or behavior. Mona Delahooke, child psychologist, likens a child’s behavior to an iceberg, where a child’s behavior (observable response) is what is on the surface but there are many contributing factors hidden from view.

If we combine this perspective with a deeper search for understanding, our families will become places where deep connection is possible. As humans, that is our ultimate goal.

Play therapist, Robyn Gobbel states that, “Regulated, connected children, who feel safe, and know what to do, behave well.” Walking with families to support regulation, connection, felt safety and function is my passion. My hope is that as you see what lies below the surface of your child, you will blossom and grow together as a family.

Whether you are a parent, teacher, therapist or child advocate, I hope you will join with me over the course of the year, as we unpack the intertwined layers of behavior, felt safety and environmental influences in order to help our children and families thrive as we walk through 2021. 

Is your child struggling?

Does your home feel chaotic?

Is your child’s teacher frustrated with their behavior in the classroom?

If you live in Maryland, Let me help! As an occupational therapist I can evaluate your child and provide support to your child and family. Click the button below to set up a phone consult or an evaluation.

Gardening With Kids

I always eagerly anticipate gardening season but it has been a cold and rainy spring where I live! It has been hard to get my garden started this year but I am planning to start this weekend. Gardening is a fantastic way to introduce your child to nature. And a great way for you to get some outdoor time too. Today I want to share with you some of the amazing benefits of gardening, along with some simple, projects for the beginning (or seasoned!) gardener.

Some of the many benefits of gardening include:

Provides Education – By allowing children to participate in gardening from seed to plant, they can learn the basics of seed growth and what plants need to thrive. How a Seed Grows by Helene J. Jordan is a great beginner book to supplement your gardening (and great for rainy days, too!).

Fosters Responsibility – Taking care of a plants takes work. It is a great way to introduce jobs. Kids of all ages can plant seeds, water, and pull weeds. Not only can kids learn how to take care of family plants, by learning how things grow, they can also see their part in the bigger picture of nature. Gardening can be a first step towards learning to be good stewards of their environment.

​Provides Diverse SENSORY Input –This is a particular favorite of mine! Kids need sensory input of all kinds to foster healthy development. Getting their hands in the dirt, gives great tactile input (and builds healthy immune systems – Really!).

By selecting herbs and flowers, they can experience a variety of smells. Fruits and vegetables taste great right out of the garden. Beautiful colors are a welcome sight when you plant easy growing flowers, such as zinnias. Let’s not forget hearing – how about making some simple wind chimes or listening to the variety of birds and bugs that may visit your garden! Or make a fun activity of working together to make this adorable set of wind chimes.

The final two senses that are often unknown – proprioception (awareness of where body is in space) and vestibular sense (balance) are both challenged through digging, bending and reaching.

photo credit: www.yates-kids-gardening.com

Promotes healthy eating –Studies show that kids are less likely to be picky and more likely to eat fruits and vegetables if they are grown at home. Who can’t resist eating a tomato right off the vine?!

Improves mental health – Scientific evidence abounds that show the benefits of gardening for all ages. Participating in gardening has been shown to reduce stress and anxiety, decrease aggressive behavior, improve attention and increase empathy. For more information on this check out the book, Therapeutic Gardens by Daniel Winterbottom and Amy Wagenfeld

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Fun Gift Idea!

Looking for something different and creative?

How about making a gardening basket?! A packet of seeds, a trowel and set of kids gardening gloves is sure to be a hit. To personalize it, paint the child's name on the trowel with acrylic paint. Put it in a little bucket from the dollar store and you are good to go!

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Here are some fun and ideas to get your family start gardening!

• Grow some potatoes in a plastic bag. No need to dig a bed. Buy some seed potatoes found in garden centers this time of year. Follow the directions in this link. At the end of the growing season, dump up out the bag and be surprised by the potato harvest!

• Grow sunflowers. What child wouldn’t love a flower that towers over their head? Although sunflowers come in all sizes and a variety of colors, children will be love the giant varieties. Cathy James in her book, Garden Classroom, recommends starting the seeds inside and letting them grow until they are about 8 inches tall. This prevents them being gobbled up by birds and squirrels. If you have enough space, you can plant them in the shape of a playhouse.

• Theme gardens are a fun way to make gardening interesting. They can be done in a container or directly in the ground. Maybe a pizza garden with tomatoes, spinach, basil and oregano. Or a salsa garden with tomatoes, peppers, and onions. Rainbow gardens create a feast for the eyes with flowers and foliage in red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. Butterfly gardens encourage the study of insects. Moon gardens contain flowers that only bloom at night. Ask at your local nursery for suggestions of local varieties.

  Challenge: Plan a garden activity with your child or grandchild. Begin with a visit to a local nursery or garden center.

Screen-free Gift Ideas for Christmas 2020

15 Gift ideas for children and families

We have all had enough screens this year! Virtual school. Virtual extracurriculars. Virtual meetings. Virtual conferences. It is time to help our kids and families have opportunities to get grounded, connected, creative and active as we head into 2020.

With the holidays just around the corner, I thought it would be good to gather a few of my favorite things that make great gifts and inspire lasting fun. I divided my suggestions into 4 categories: Things to help Calm and Relax, Active Gifts, Hobby builders and Family Connectors. This list is by no means exhaustive but includes some things I’m sure you will love, in addition to addressing some important needs for our kids and families. Happy Shopping!

Gifts For Calm and Relaxation

• Crazy Aaron’s Thinking Putty - Popular with all ages, this putty is a great way to relieve stress, keep the mind engaged and ….OK, I’ll just say it…..keep you occupied during a virtual class or Zoom meeting. Not to mention, it is great for building hand strength and building fine motor skills. With so many options to choose from, you might try these: See-through putty, heat-changing putty , magnetic putty, or the variety pack pictured to the right.

• Jigsaw Puzzles - Jigsaw puzzles have so many benefits - they help build visual skills, fine motor skills and focused attention. It is a great way to engage the whole family. Set it up and work on it when a break is needed. Family puzzles, such as the one pictured, are great if you have varied ages and abilities since they have varying size pieces. Here are a few of my favorites: Animal Kingdom puzzle (100 piece double-sided), United States puzzle (varying size pieces), Songbirds puzzle (500 piece), or for the more advanced, The Family Campsite puzzle (1000 pieces).

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• Coloring Books and Gel Pens - Whether your child is a budding artist or simply like to color, these fun coloring books are a great way to relax and de-stress from a day of online learning. And who doesn’t love a new package of fun pens?!

Gifts That Encourage Activity, Movement

With most extracurriculars cancelled, virtual schooling and quarantining, we all need a little encourage to get moving and get outside.

• Goodminton - This has paddle game has been a huge hit at our house. It can be played indoors or out. Need a quick break? Grab the paddles and play a quick game. For more family involvement, play a tournament and trade in a new player every time someone misses a shot. Don’t forget the extra birdies!

• Pogo Stick - If you are looking for something fun, challenging and beneficial for your child, you you grab a pogo stick It might take a few trys to get the hang of it but once they start hopping, there is no stopping them! There is a version for all age groups

Pogo for Toddlers

Pogo for 40-80 lbs.

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Pogo for 80-160 lbs.

• Fake Snowballs - If you are lucky enough to live somewhere that you can have snowball fights with the real thing, go for it! But these fake snowballs provide round-the- year fun for all ages. Believe me, I know! We have had more snowball fights in my living room than I can count (and it wasn’t just the kids!)

• Scratch Off Bucket List For Kids - I LOVE this! It is such a fun way for kids to get active and try new things that they might not normally do. While some of them involve watching a movie, most of them are active and some are challenging. Will your child get them all done?

Gifts that Inspire Hobby Exploration for Kids

Having a hobby is a wonderful thing. It is an activity that you can go to when you need space to get lost and forget about the stresses of life. Making something gives you confidence and an outlet for creativity. It is an outlet for boredom, as well as an opportunity to learn new skills. Here are a few hobbies to let your child explore:

• Beginner Whittling - This book and whittling set are all you need to get started whittling and wood carving. A perfect opportunity to work together with your child on a project. Older children may be able to do it on their own with a safety lesson. Use at your discretion.

• Weaving Loom - Weaving is a great way to express creativity and use those fine motor skills. In my experience it is loved by both boys and girls. A great boredom buster and something that can be built upon and used for years to come.

• Beginning Knitting - Knitting is a hobby that can be used for years to come. I am so glad I learned to knit as a child! I am also a big fan of Klutz books/ and kits. This Klutz Knitting Kit has all you need to get started. If you can’t help your child get started, find a friend who can work with your child. Most knitters love to pass on their love of knitting.

• Woodworking Catapult Kit - Using tools is not only a great skill to have but a fabulous confidence builder for kids. Once kids master this kit they can go on to try some open-ended projects outdoors. Not only is this kit a practical way to learn some skills, kid end up with a super fun catapult to play with. It’s a win-win!

Gifts that Connect Families

If there is anything we learned in 2020 it is that we need connection.

• Scavenger Hunts For Families - Everyone loves a scavenger hunt! This book is filled with pre-made scavenger hunts that get you and your kids outside. It’s a perfect opportunity to get a taste of nature, get moving AND spend some time together.

• Vertellis - Want to get some good conversation going? Tired of hearing your child give one word answers when you ask them a question?

  This unique Q&A card game is fun for the whole family! With interesting questions and playful assignments, parents and children engage in honest, meaningful conversations. Play around the dinner table or while gathered around the fire.

• Pickleball - This paddle game can be easily set up in your driveway. It’s simple to learn and gets you moving. Our family picked it up during the pandemic. If I can play, anybody can play! You just need paddles and balls and a portable net. See you on the court!

• Big Book of Family Games - We have gotten hours of entertainment out of this book. It is filled with fun and different games - most of which just require pencil and paper. Get those minds turning and those laughter muscles working. We especially love Backwards People and Wordiculous! Games for all ages 6 and up.

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I hope you love the gift ideas and most of all, I hope you have a wonderful holiday restoring your spirit and renewing connections. Spend time celebrating how far you have come and looking forward to a fresh start in 2021!

Disclosure: (Sounds official, doesn't it?) Here's the deal...I want to be completely honest with you and I want you to be able to trust me. I only recommend things that I have tried or believe are worthwhile. That being said, I DO use affiliate links that allow me to earn a commission from things you buy with the links I share. It doesn't cost you more, but I DO want you to know that. It helps me keep my business going. Enough said.)

Outdoor Education - Why Children Benefit From Taking School Outside

There is no doubt that 2020 has been a year filled with anxiety, challenges and uncertainty. Yet another reality is that many adults and children are spending an increased amount of time in front of screens, as workplaces and schools have been thrust into the virtual arena, resulting in a lifestyle that can feel isolated and sedentary. Counteracting this trend is a task that educators now face. Outdoor learning provides the background for safe, rich and meaningful educational experiences. 

“While some might proport that using school time to go outside is taking away from academic advancement, it is actually beneficial to the overall educational experience and well-being of the students.”

As students are returning to in-person learning, teachers, administrators and therapists have a unique opportunity to harness the many benefits of nature for the well-being of the students, as well as adults. With the protocols for safety at the forefront of everyone’s mind, nature is the perfect way to enhance the learning experience in a socially distanced way that also has rich mental health benefits.

While some might proport that using school time to go outside is taking away from academic advancement, it is actually beneficial to the overall educational experience and well-being of the students.

Why Take Children Outside During School?

From a developmental perspective, playing outdoors is an ideal environment to foster physical and cognitive skills necessary for academic success. Physical activity stimulates the connections of neurons in the brain, therefore strengthening the ability to learn. Functional skills such as handwriting, copying notes from the board and paying attention are all dependent on underlying skills that develop as the body moves in all directions. Visual skills, which are crucial for learning, are reinforced through practice. Core stability is foundational to fine and gross motor skills. Wide open green spaces are an invitation for fun and motivating physical activity that strengthens the body. 

Elementary age children are not the only ones who benefit from the outdoors. Middle schoolers and high schoolers alike can benefit mentally and physically from moving and getting outside.  The tremendous value of nature is evidenced by one study that demonstrated that high schoolers who view green spaces outside their classroom window perform academically better than those who don’t. Anxiety levels are reduced and brains are restored when fresh air and green spaces provide a break from cognitive demands.

Utilizing nature in education is not a new concept. Charlotte Mason, well-known British educator during the turn of the twentieth century, included nature study as a core tenet of her education philosophy. She said, “Let them once get in touch with nature and a habit is formed which will be a source of delight and habit through life.” Not only does instilling a sense of awe and wonder of nature foster life-long learners, it has been shown that children who have positive interactions with nature grow up to be better stewards of the environment.

While the actual study of nature itself is necessary and worthwhile, nature gives back to its participants by giving depth and value to their cognitive, spiritual, and social-emotional well-being. By including opportunities to play and learn in outdoor spaces, young minds journey down a path that guides growth in areas such as critical thinking, self regulation and creativity. Open ended outdoor play experiences set the stage for problem solving and self-competence in a way that structured classroom learning cannot provide.

Our world and our nation are under a lot of stress and children are feeling it. Being surrounded by nature is a proven way to reduce stress and anxiety. For students who may feel anxious in a walled classroom, natural spaces provide a place away from the typical academic and social stressors. Studies show that children exhibit decreased negative emotions and an increase in competence and resilience when they partake in outdoor experiences. 

In order to promote learning retention in students, multi-sensory learning is the optimal choice. The more senses that are engaged in the learning experience, the more the learning is reinforced in the brain. Just about any subject can be taken outside and turned into a sensational learning moment. Whether learning math facts by skipping on a number line, digging in the dirt to experience an archaeological expedition or measuring the effects of soil types on plant growth, students can engage their whole bodies to acquire experiential knowledge. Students of all ages can participate in narration exercises using nature as a stage.

What Can Outdoor Learning Look Like?

If the concept of outdoor learning is new to you, it might be difficult to imagine what this can look like. In order to help, her are a few examples of how learning can be enhanced using the outdoors:

• Math Lessons - Practice addition, subtraction or multiplication using natural objects. Practice telling time by drawing a clock face with chalk and using sticks to make the correct time. Write out numbers on the sidewalk and have children skip or hop to practice skip counting.

• Science - take observations of habitats or environments. Create scientific experiments about plant growth or soil content. Track cloud movements or weather patterns. Have children build boats and test buoyancy.

• History - Read historic treaties and documents outdoors. Recreate living spaces or historic practices - such as building a teepee or life in a trench. Build scale models of villages or maps.

• Language Arts - Read poems. Practice spelling words with chalk. Act out stories from literature. Provide time for reading in green spaces.

• Brain Breaks/Free Play - While combining the outdoors with academics is a powerful way to utilize nature, the simple act of playing of just being in the outdoors is advantageous to the health and well-being of students. Not only that, but teachers who under a great deal of stress, can experience the restorative power of the outdoors, as well.

Whether a spontaneous movement break or a planned learning experience, getting children outside provides benefits well beyond the immediate moment. While getting students outside may be something we are being pushed to do because of Covid-19 restrictions, it is a positive gain for education and the well-being of students.

A Note to Virtual Learners

For those families who are still learning virtually, it is especially important to include outdoor time in the daily schedule. Sitting in front of a screen for many hours in a day not only causes stress on the body, strain on the eyes and mental fatigue, it can lead to feelings of isolation. Providing outdoor movement breaks or allowing a child to do their reading outside are simple ways to support a child’s mental and physical health. With a little creativity, fun activities can be added that complement learning.  If you don’t have a yard, plan a visit to a local park or nature center. 

Want to know more? Check out more of my blogs, visit me on social media or send me an email!

6 Steps to Raising Kids With Healthy Minds In An Uncertain World

(This post which was first published in February, 2018, has been updated and republished and is more relevant than ever!)

Between Covid-19 and racial injustice, our world is full of unrest. The uncertainty of what lies ahead is causing anxiety for many. Social distancing is leaving many feeling lonely and isolated. Economic challenge is leading to increasing amounts of stress. Cancelled activities are leaving people conflicted and confused. As adults, we must not only choose how we will face these troublesome times but we must choose how we will help and guide our children in a healthy and constructive way.

We must take on the responsibility to raise healthy, mentally competent children who can become healthy, independent and well-adjusted adults.

Because, that is our job as parents, right?

​Many parents feel that if they can steer their kids through childhood safely, without any pain or hardship, then they have done a good job. The problem with that mindset - what I call the bubble wrap approach - is that kids enter adulthood without any skills to navigate the challenges of life.

Jessica Lahey puts it this way in her book, The Gift of Failure: "Today's overprotective, failure-avoidant parenting style has undermined the competence, independence and academic potential of an entire generation."

We have a huge opportunity in this moment of history to demonstrate for our children how to respond to life’s bumps in the road. By giving children opportunities to build resilience, social skills, self-awareness, and self-competency, in the context of nurturing adult relationships, children can move towards healthy independence. The key here is CONNECTION. When a child feels connected and accepted, it sets the stage for them to grow to be their best selves.

So how do we do this?  Here are some simple and practical things you can do as a parent, caregiver or educator to help the children in your life thrive:

1. Give them room to fail. Children, as young as toddlers, can be given space to explore and try things on their own. They may fall, they may get messy, but it is these hands-on experiences where they learn cause and effect and natural consequences. Also, when a child experiences setbacks and see that they can come out the other side and learn some things - that leads to resiliency. It is sometimes hard to step back but the rewards for you child will be worth it. Rather than giving them harsh correction, be empathetic and lead them to seek new solutions.

2. Help your child discover things that are calming. Be an observer of you child and notice what types of things are calming to them. Help them connect how they feel with an action and as they make that connection it will become a tool they can use when they are frustrated. For some children, a certain scent or having a fidget can be calming.  Maybe it is petting the family dog or jumping on a mini trampoline. Quiet music can also be very effective at lowering a child’s arousal level. Going outside is typically calming for anyone. Ever notice how a baby calms down almost immediately when they are taken outside? The same is true for all of us. The sights and sounds of the outdoors have an incredible power to calm our nervous systems.

3. Prioritize unscheduled screen-free space in children's lives. Anxiety levels are higher than ever among children today. Since Covid-19 hit the scene, our schedules and activities have turned upside down. As we try to find some semblance of normalcy, it is important for our children to keep some unstructured space in their lives that lends itself to play. Resist the temptation to let screens be the fall back activity when bored. Give yourself grace if they have been on screens more than normal, but create some structure that holds onto free play. Yes! Schedule in free time! Children need downtime to recover from the stress of their daily lives. And not only that, studies show that children with more unstructured time in their lives become better decision makers down the road.

4. Build self-competence by helping your child find things they enjoy doing. Research shows that having a hobby leads to lower stress levels and a decreased likelihood of depression. Explore and give your child room to try new things. Whether it is art, whittling, yoga, knitting, Lego building or stamp collecting, having a hobby is a great way for your child to find pleasure and find ownership. Even if they make things that aren’t perfect, step back and give them the opportunity to own it and feel pride what they do. Or, better yet, find something you can try together to build connection.

5. Help them build healthy thought patterns. What kids believe about themselves has a tremendous impact on how they function in the future. I came across this visual by @sylviaduckworth illustrating a growth mindset. It is a helpful guide in training your child (and us for that matter) on self-talk. When your child is in a “stuck” pattern, try telling them their brains CAN get stronger. Use the word, “yet” often. For example if your child says, “I can’t do this.!” Follow up and tell them, “ You can’t do it yet!”

6. Limit technology use. I can't say enough about this one. It is essential that families work together to limit time on technology. I often hear people say that technology is everywhere, so why fight it. Creating boundaries and limitations will give your children a) practice experiencing boundaries and limits, b) mental space without excessive visual stimulation c) more time to build real, honest-to-goodness relationships d) time to come up with other healthier options for entertainment. You would be amazed what kids can come up with when they get bored!

These are just a few ways that you can set the scene for your child to develop some important life skills. As you create an environment that fosters healthy minds in your child today, you provide them with the tools they need as they move through childhood and beyond.